The Most Important Business & Relationship Tool Needed for Success
Posted by: | CommentsMerry Xmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Winter Solstice – quite frankly, it doesn’t matter to me what you celebrate this time of year. December is a month where we can all come together and celebrate humanity – regardless of what you believe, or don’t believe. If you are a business woman or mom who doesn’t work outside the home, or live your life combining work and a marriage and family life, you have been reading these newsletters as a way to enrich your life.
Since we are in the midst of the holiday season, now is as good a time as any to thank you for allowing me to become a part of your life’s journey while sharing my relationship advice with you. Throughout the year I discuss many relationship tools needed for your success in business and your relationships, but there is without a doubt one essential tool – above all others – that you absolutely must have for this success – and that is the ability to relate. Do not be fooled by how simple this sounds. Many marriages and relationships crumble because couples, who once were emotionally connected, lose the ability to relate to each other somewhere along the way. Businesses that were the flagship in their industries lose the ability to relate to their customers, and no longer know what they need. As you can see, the ability to relate to the people in our lives is critical to our happiness in our marriage and success in our business. During the upcoming ye ar I will continue to provide you with my expert relationship advice that will show you how to best relate to the people in your business and personal life. But for now, I know you are busy in your continued preparations for the holidays, so I will keep this really short.
Many people confuse telling people and their customers what you think they should want as relating to them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Relating to the people in our world is based upon our ability to connect with them on a level which is meaningful to both them and us. As we race towards the end of 2011, it is my sincere wish and hope for you in the new year that you remember that people – and the ability to relate to them- in both our marriages and our businesses – is the most important tool we must have for success in our business and our relationships.
Happy Holidays and may the New Year be one filled with many people with whom you can relate to!
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
3 Simple Ways to Stop Fighting About Money During the Holidays
Posted by: | CommentsMarriages and business have more in common than you would think at first blush. Perhaps the most common denominator between the two has to do with money. Couples fight over money just like businesses fight over money, that is, couples and departments fight about not having enough money in their budget, about spending over budget or about not having a budget at all. In my upcoming book I discuss how couples who ignore the business aspect of their relationship do so at their own peril.
With the holiday season in full gear, and businesses winding down their year, the issue of money comes to life in full force. After all, it costs money to purchase all these gifts, cards, food etc. Following are 3 simple ways to STOP FIGHTING about money so you can enjoy your holiday season, and not run for cover when the credit cards comes due.
1. Discuss and create a budget. Sometimes we think that what our partner doesn’t know about how much money we spend during the holiday season won’t hurt him – or us. Fatal mistake – sooner or later the credit card bill comes due – and if you spend cash, well, you are creating cracks in your relationship with untruths. Communicate with your partner about the financial aspect of the holiday season and find a way to come to terms on a realistic budget. The key word here is realistic. Then – coming from a place of sincerity, do your best to stay on budget and if you go over budget, share this information with your partner.
2. Just like Santa – make a list of everyone who you will purchase gifts for this holiday season – and I do mean everyone. Many couples will create a budget but then never discuss how many people they are shopping for that need to be included in their budget. You can see what an impossible task this may be for some. So create a budget and then create an all-inclusive list from the mailman to the kid’s teacher and everyone in between.
3. Avoid impulsive and last minute purchases. Just because something is on sale – that doesn’t mean you have to buy it. Marketers are very smart and very clever, they know exactly how to get you to buy something that you either do not need, or do not want and never planned on buying when you first stepped foot in the store. Tip: do not leave your home to go shopping without your list and budget in hand. And then stay disciplined and restrained by staying within the budget.
Rather than feeling like you are depriving yourself of a purchase that goes over your budget, shift your mindset and make it a game to stay within your budget. This mindset shift will help you tremendously – it will make you feel good about not buying an item that is over-budget rather than feeling badly about it.
What about those you forgot to put on your list when you created your budget and list? So you aren’t plagued by guilt because you didn’t include your hairdresser or favorite substitute teacher on your list – but you remembered them as you were shopping – be creative and make them something that requires little money. For example, buy ten pretty baskets from the dollar store and bake cookies for them. People love gifts that require time – because nobody has enough of it these days -especially during the holidays!
Enjoy the holidays and remember – it truly is the thought that counts during this gift giving time of year.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
Thanksgiving – for your Business and your Relationships on Thanksgiving Day
Posted by: | CommentsThanksgiving Day – and with it begins the official commencement of the holiday season! Today Americans give thanks and celebrate the fact that we live in the greatest country in the world; a country that provides unprecedented freedoms, abundance and liberties to all! Thanksgiving Day allows us the opportunity to pause and express our gratitude and love for each other, and for all this great country has to offer. In addition, I believe there is absolutely no greater country in the world than the United States of America to live in as a woman, and for this too I am extremely thankful.
In keeping with the tradition of giving thanks on Thanksgiving Day, I would like to share with my readers some reflections on all I am thankful for on this very traditional American holiday.
I am thankful for all the wonderful people with whom I share my life – my family, my friends and the ever growing, inspiring followers of this relationship advice newsletter. I am thankful for the privilege of having all of you be a part of my life.
Be thankful for all the things you have in your life and consider everything and everyone around you to be a miracle – for life is truly a miracle!
Express gratitude and thanks for what we have in our lives instead of worrying about and being resentful for what we don’t have (or for what you think you should have more of). This includes focusing on all the wonderful qualities and positive aspects of our relationships and your business, while minimizing the negatives.
When we view our relationships and our life through the eyes of gratitude and thankfulness, our inner world becomes a place of peace, joy, happiness and tranquility that radiates out from our very core, and influences our external reality. Gratitude and thankfulness provides a mindset that allows us to see the good in the people who make up our lives, and this mindset extends to the world at large. Feeling thankful for all we have in our lives makes us feel good about ourselves and our relationships. Thankfulness increases the bond we have with each other on an individual level, and within our community at large.
Thankfulness puts us in a place where we truly want to give back to the world for all that we have. It injects positive feelings into our relationships and allows them to expand from a place of love and abundance.
The presence of thankfulness within our hearts allows us to look at conflict in our relationships from a healthy perspective. Therefore, when we are faced with these conflicts, we feel less inclined to escalate them because we are coming from a place of abundance. We do not have the energy, the desire, nor the will to view conflict from a “winner takes all” sum game.
The mindset and expression of thankfulness and gratitude in your day to day life helps solidify all your relationships and acts as the glue for maintaining love and intimacy in your romantic relationships. When we show thanks and gratitude to our partner, we let them know we appreciate the love and intimacy they bring into our lives, so be thankful for all the love you have in your life.
As the hustle and bustle of this holiday season begins today, remember to express your thanks and gratitude to the people who make up the relationships with whom you share your life!
Happy Thanksgiving!!
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
The holidays are just around the corner and for female entrepreneurs – who already feel like we don’t have enough hours in the day – the items on the “to-do” list can be overwhelming. Yes – we are all busy running around working on our business, taking care of the kids, doing chores, trying to create time to have some fun with our significant other or friends – and now we have all the holiday festivities to contend with.
This week I want to remind everyone about some forgotten, and yet very simple – and extremely important aspects of our relationships. We have forgotten civility in our actions and our discourse. It doesn’t matter if these are business relationships, romantic relationships or any other type of relationship. We have forgotten, as the best-selling book from a few years ago stated, that everything we need to know about life we learned in kindergarten.
As entrepreneurs, the ability to develop relationships with others is vital to our business success; and as women, the ability to develop relationships is vital to our happiness in our romantic and interpersonal relationship.
Below are 3 simple, yet highly effective ways to conduct your business and engage in your relationships. Follow these 3 simple suggestions – which everyone can do – and you will find success in your business and happiness in your intimate and interpersonal relationships.
- Have a positive mindset and approach all situations with love. Run your business and engage your partner by coming from a place of love. This will promote positive energy that will impact the way you respond to others and the way they will, in turn, respond to you. People want to do business with people who give off this positive energy because these people energize their surroundings and everyone in it. In addition, all conflict is more readily addressed and resolved when it is approached from a place of love – which fosters one’s ability to understand the other’s position. Think positive and act positively – even in the face of adversity.
- Be kind to everyone. It doesn’t matter how big your business is, how much money you have or how important you, or others, think you are. Besides the fact that this truly is the best way to live your life, it will also have an immeasurable impact on your business and your relationships. You never know who you may say a kind word to or lend a helping hand to that might end up being a great connector for you. I could tell you a million stories about this but suffice it to say doing the right thing by being kind to everyone – remembering the world is not always a kind place – will grow your business and bring happiness to your interpersonal relationships.
- Respect everyone, especially those who are different from you. Diversity is the name of the game in our new world order. If you want to be in business, you will need to be respectful of people from other ethnic, religious, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds. It would be great if you learn about these other cultures to understand what is considered respectful – and just as importantly to learn what is considered disrespectful if you want to maximize your influence on your clients.
Having a positive mindset, being kind to everyone and being respectful to everyone does not take any great skill or talent. It is just the right way to live your life and conduct your business. It has the added bonus of increasing your profits and creating happiness in your marriage and inter-personal relationships.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
A Halloween Trick or a Treat? – My NEW BOOK!
Posted by: | CommentsJust about everyone I tell that I am about to have my book published says, “Oh, I want to write a book too”, or “I began writing a book awhile ago, but the manuscript is sitting somewhere in my desk” etc. Can you relate? This got me thinking.
Running a business with our significant other brings unique joys and challenges to our marriage/relationship. When we work with our significant other, the joy of a successful business day can leave us feeling exhilarating – as if we are on top of the world. But when the business is not exactly hitting it out of the ballpark, the disappointment and sense of frustration of these moments can easily spill over into our romantic relationship. Following are 3 secrets that will help you avoid having your business get in the way of your romantic relationship – even when the business is having a bad day.
1. Time Boundaries - create some type of time boundary between your work life and your personal life. In other words, do not spend ALL – or even most – of your time together outside of work hours talking about work. Couples that work and play together often blend their two worlds where they forget to relate to each other as lovers – they only relate to each other as business partners. No pun intended, but this is the kiss of death for keeping a healthy emotional boundary between work and romance!
2. Communication – sometimes when we are in a business partnership with our significant other, we communicate with them in a way we would never even dream of speaking to someone else. We make these “assumptions” that we don’t have to be as careful with the words we choose when speaking to them, or that it is okay to interrupt them when they are speaking to us, or we implore a less than flattering tone and attitude when addressing our partner. Communicate with your partner during business discussions showing the same respect and consideration you would for a business partner who is not your romantic partner. Respect while communicating does not go out the window just because we work with our significant other.
3. Sense of Humor - We all know running a business together while sharing your life with your business partner can be hard work at times and it brings with it a unique set of challenges. This is why it is really important to keep your sense of humor and lighten up a bit when the going gets rough. An appropriately timed joke can really defuse a difficult situation, bringing levity and laughter to an otherwise not-so-funny situation. Make a joke, laugh with your partner when times get hard, the problem will still be there once the laughter subsides and you will be at a better place to find solutions to the problem – while keeping your relationship strong.
Use these 3 secrets I shared with my VIP Couple yesterday and your business and relationship will rock on…
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
The #1 Secret for How Conflict Can Grow Your Business and Your Relationships
Posted by: | CommentsMost businesses and all relationships experience conflict and fights. Whether these fights destroy your business or your relationship is found in one little secret. Differences of opinion in all areas of your business, from leadership style to business growth plans (meaning – how to achieve your company goal), lie at the heart of many fights. The secret to whether these differences destroy your company, or slow its growth, is found in how you handle differences when they arise. This is as true for your success in business as it is for success in relationships. In a healthy marriage, a couple views their relationship as a partnership – they are on the same team. In the pursuit of victory, what is good for one team member is good for the entire team. When conflict transforms your relationship from being on the same team and turns it into a competition, the relationship becomes adversarial and perhaps even toxic. You know you are in a toxic relationship if either partner has to win an argument at all cost, taking priority over the integrity and intimacy of the marriage. Conflict within a competitive relationship creates a winner and a loser. In business, if conflict turns the relationship among team members into a competition for members on the same team, the company loses.
Conflict is an opportunity to grow your business by formulating creative ideas in search of a resolution to a problem; and in your relationship, it is an opportunity to develop a deeper more meaningful relationship with your spouse based on the ability to understand and respect differences. Conflict handled in a productive, respectful, positive manner provides an opportunity for growth which eventually strengthens the bond in business and relationships.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
Increase Business Profits When the Kids Go Back to School
Posted by: | CommentsThe kids are back in school and for many entrepreneurial moms this means back to business – big time! The excitement which surrounds the new school year for kids can also permeate your business. For many working moms, back to school provides a reprieve from having the kids around all day long while trying to get work done. And if you do not have kids, the fall is a great time of year to rev it up a gear. Below are some tips on how to increase your profits during the school year, without compromising your relationship with your spouse and kids.
- Maximize the time the kids are in school for growing your business by scheduling client calls and meetings during school hours – if at all possible. This might not always be possible, but offer up school hours first when scheduling with others. (By the way, your clients do not have to know you are unavailable during certain hours because you are wearing your mommy hat – just say you have previous commitments during the hours you want to spend with your children.)
- Create clear role boundaries. Do not try to be a business woman and mom simultaneously. This is a prescription for disaster. When you are at work – focus and concentrate on your work. If you work from home, designate a specific work area that is off-limits to your kids (and spouse for that matter). They wouldn’t be walking in on you while you are working if you worked outside your home – so make it clear they are not to walk in on you just because are working from home. You are still working. In addition, the time you have scheduled to spend with your kids – spend with your kids. Be totally present with them. Turn off your iPhone, BlackBerry, etc – believe me, the world will not stop spinning on its axis because we are not available 24/7, although we often think that it will. Trying to work and parent at the same time often leaves professional moms feeling inadequate in both roles, so please avoid this at all costs. It is not fair to do this to anyone – especially yourself.
- Communicate a clear consistent work schedule– and stick to it. Clearly communicate your work hours to your spouse and children; and be firm on the fact that you do not expect to be interrupted during these specific work hours, whether they take place during the daytime or evening, or both. Be disciplined when at work and do not allow yourself to be distracted with other responsibilities, especially extraneous emails. Emails have a way of zapping hours of productivity out of our work day. Avoid opening emails during work hours that are not essential to your work. You will be amazed at how much more work you will get done.
- Schedule private time for yourself and your relationship. Once the school year gets into gear, it is so easy to go from work responsibilities to parenting responsibilities and back to work responsibilities again, for days on end– without ever taking any time out for ourselves and our intimate relationship. This will produce burnout in all areas of your life. Be kind to yourself and your partner by prioritizing your relationship – and this might require literally scheduling personal time and date nights into your calendar. Please do so – you, and your relationship deserve it.
John Maxwell discusses how people who are happy and successful at home find that happiness and success in other areas of their life come easy. The foundation for our ability to take care of others begins with our ability to take care of ourselves – and our most important relationships.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
3 Secrets to Survive a Storm in your Business and your Relationships
Posted by: | CommentsMeeting business challenges successfully requires the same tools necessary for meeting the challenges of our relationships successfully. Things are relatively easy when all goes according to plan. Business is humming along and we feel emotionally in synch with our partner. When things do not go according to plan, however, the sea of emotions begin to churn and, if left unchecked, wrecks havoc in our business and our romantic relationship.
As we all know, the only thing in life – and business – we can count on is change. Following are 3 secrets guaranteed to help you survive and thrive when your business and relationships do not go according to plan and change comes upon you with a vengeance!
- Commitment – your sense of commitment to your business and your intimate relationship must not falter. All businesses go through challenging times, just as all relationships have their ups and downs. During the difficult times is when your commitment and belief in your business and your relationship must not falter. It is easy to be committed to something when things are going smoothly, but real commitment is tested when things are not going according to plan. When things are difficult, being steadfast in your heart and mind to your business and your relationship will be key to weathering these difficult times.
- Communication – the ability to effectively communicate is perhaps never more essential than during stormy times – in business and your romantic relationships. Clear, effective communication with clients, partners etc., will be the cornerstone for navigating yourself out of stormy seas. New strategies can be developed for your business, and compromise and negotiation can be reached in your relationship, only through effective communication. The stormier the challenge, the more imperative effective communication will be.
- Flexibility – being able to go with the flow is essential during difficult times in business and your relationship. Flexibility will allow you to bend – not break with the winds of change. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again – expecting different results. When your business faces challenges, flexibility allows you to think outside the box to come up with new strategies and solutions. In your romantic relationships, flexibility allows you to let go of stubbornness and a refusal to do things differently, and search for solutions that work for both you and your partner.
Since business and relationships will inevitably face challenges, often during the most inopportune time, the key to successfully facing these challenges lies in your commitment to your business and your relationship, your ability to effectively communicate, and flexibility in your perspective and action.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
Conflict Resolution Skill #5 Needed for Success in Business and Life
Posted by: | CommentsThere is not any business or romantic relationship which does not have its share of conflict and problems. Conflict is a normal part of life; it is impossible to avoid. People who run successful businesses and people who are in happy relationships are those who know how to effectively handle conflict (not avoid or deny it). Conflict resolution skill #5, which is essential for success in business and life, is the ability to effectively compromise and negotiate.
Unfortunately, many people associate the words compromise and negotiation with the idea of losing. These people think if you compromise – then you have given up something – therefore you have sustained a loss. This is a very detrimental and non-productive way of thinking about compromise, especially since the only way any conflict can be effectively resolved is for you to compromise on what you want – so the other person will be willing to compromise on what they want. Lead by example! You give a little and you get back a lot. Once all parties are willing to compromise on what are considered to be their acceptable terms, the process of negotiation can begin. But if no one is ever willing to compromise and move away from their original position, a stalemate ensues; this is a disastrous situation for a marriage and a business.
The most effective way to begin the process of compromise and negotiation is to understand your partner’s position (whether it be your romantic partner, business partner, client, etc). Understanding your partner’s position does not mean you are in agreement with it; rather it means you understand their position based on where they are coming from. Understanding allows you to see conflict from their perspective; it also sheds light and gives you a deeper awareness on how you have come to your own position. Understanding your partner’s position makes them feel heard and respected (even while disagreeing with them). Therefore, when the negotiation process is finished, both parties walk away from it feeling as if they have gained something, as opposed to having “lost” or “given in”.
Conflict understood from a positive perspective gives you the opportunity to experience mutual growth and change – a win-win for all. When conflict is resolved based on respect and understanding of the other person’s position, whether it is in your business or your romantic relationship, you can feel secure in the knowledge that your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.
Conflict can be framed as an opportunity for growth through adversity and resolved through the 5 conflict resolution skills discussed over these past few weeks!
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
