Conflict Resolution Skill #4 for Entrepreneurs, Women and Business
Posted by: | CommentsThis week we are going to learn about conflict resolution skill #4 needed for success in business and life. Following is a quick re-cap of the conflict resolution skills discussed (in detail) during the previous three weeks: 1) acknowledge the conflict exists; 2) communicate effectively about the conflict and 3) take personal responsibility for the conflict. Conflict resolution skill #4 is resolving to make conflict resolution a priority. Think about this for a moment. We all know people who seem to thrive on conflict; this is sad but true. It seems as if for every person who avoids conflict at all cost, there is a person who never misses an opportunity to create it. Regardless of the circumstances which created the conflict, conflict cannot be resolved unless you make it a priority to resolve it.
In your relationships and your business you must be willing and determined to resolve conflict from the perspective of what is best for your business and what is in the long term interest of your relationship. The mistake many people make is they fail to prioritize their business or relationship and get bogged down on the specifics of the conflict and who is “right” and who is “wrong”. Focusing on the minor details of an argument instead of focusing on what is at stake for the business or your relationship from a long-term perspective makes us run the risk of losing sight of the forest from the trees. When this happens, conflict remains unresolved and ill will is perpetuated.
Tenacity is an admirable quality when it provides resilience for learning something new. But when tenacity gets us stuck in a conflict, refusing to let go of it, it can be responsible for leaving our conflicts unresolved – which eventually destroys our relationships and the productivity of our business.
The next time you are faced with a business or relationship conflict that you are having difficulty letting go of or resolving, ask yourself this question: “Is maintaining the conflict worth your relationship or the productivity of your business?” Chances are you know the answer to this question. If you make it your priority, all conflicts are resolvable.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
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Conflict Resolution Skill #2 for Women and Business
Posted by: | CommentsAlthough we have never had more methods by which to communicate with each other than ever before due to modern technology, i.e., blackberries, iphones, laptops, droids, etc, our ability to effectively communicate is not at such a great place these days. Listen to TV, talk radio and the media in general, when conflict – or a mere difference of opinion arises – effective communication goes out the window. People yell at each other, talk over each other, insult each other and nobody appears to be actively listening to each other. The only thing I ever hear communicated during these conflicts is anger and the fact that nobody is effectively communicating anything! Lack of effective communication usually plays a very big part for why conflicts never seem to get resolved.
The ability to effectively communicate is the linchpin for conflict resolution in our business and our relationships. Last week we discussed the importance of acknowledging a conflict exists, and now we will discuss what you need for effective communication to take place to begin to resolve the conflict.
1. Verbal communication – words have consequences so choose your words carefully. You can pretty much say anything to anybody if you choose your words wisely. The more emotionally heated the conflict, the more important it is to select non-inflammatory words – ones that do not push anyone’s “hot buttons”.
2. Non-verbal communication – perhaps even more important than the words we use to communicate our message is our nonverbal communication, i.e., body language, tone, attitude and overall demeanor when speaking. More than 50% of all communication takes place non-verbally so remember it is really important to be cognizant of how you deliver your message. We have all been involved in conflict with someone where we have said to ourselves “it is not what they said as much as how they said it.”
3. Actively listen – how many times have we been in an argument or heated discussion with our spouse, business partner, friend, etc, and we say to ourselves: “they are not listening to a word I am saying.” This happens when people are not actively listening to each other. Hearing what someone is saying is not the same as actively listening to them. During conflict, most people are not actively listening; rather they are listening with their own hidden agenda – often to find faults with the speaker’s argument or to just silently wait for them to finish speaking so you can finally say what you have to say. In order to actively listen we need to listen with an open mind and an open heart. Try not to interrupt and make every effort to honestly listen to their side of the conflict. Understanding one’s side of an issue doesn’t mean you agree with them, but it can become a starting point for compromise and negotiation.
The ability to effectively communicate is the single most important variable that dictates the overall quality of our lives – and without it, conflict in your business and marriage will never be resolved.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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5 Conflict Resolution Skills to End Fireworks for Women and Business
Posted by: | CommentsConflict between people can be seen in very general terms – as a fight or battle. The word conflict may lead you to think of a nasty fight with your spouse, or a mild argument between business partners. Regardless of how mild or severe, most conflicts in marriage and business are rooted in power struggles. In other words, who gets to make the decisions in the family and in the business?
Conflict arises from many sources but at its core, conflict stems from differences – whether these differences reflect disagreement over values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, desires or goals. In marriage, and in business, these differences may appear trivial until they trigger a strong personal feeling, or a deep personal need to feel respected, valued, secure, or a need for greater intimacy.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life; many people view conflict in negative terms. I find it helpful to think of conflict from a positive perspective since conflict provides your marriage and your business with the opportunity for growth. Conflict presents an opportunity to develop deeper more meaningful relationships based on the ability to understand and respect differences – creating trust. When you can successfully resolve conflict in any relationship- either your marriage or your business – trust builds and it is trust which is the foundation for success in your business and your marriage.
Below are 5 Tools for Conflict Resolution that apply as equally to your business as it does to your marriage.
1. Acknowledge the conflict exists – sounds like common sense; however, I have seen marriages fall apart because either one, or both partner(s) refused to acknowledge the existence of a problem; many businesses have declined for failure to recognize a conflict within the organization or a conflict between what the client wants and what the company thinks the client wants. Failure to acknowledge conflict puts your marriage and your business on the fast track for failure.
2. Communicate effectively – failure to communicate creates misunderstandings and misperceptions. Verbal and non-verbal communication, and the ability to actively listen, will allow for the appropriate sharing of information – minimizing the chances for these misunderstandings and the escalation of the conflict. Be cognizant of verbal and non-verbal cues and address any ambiguity between the two to insure people are saying what they mean and meaning what they say. Use your active listening skills – hearing what someone is saying to you is not the same as listening to what someone is saying.
Note: more than 50% of all communication occurs non-verbally so it is imperative you actively listen for what is not being said.
3. Take responsibility: Many times conflict can only be resolved with a change in our behavior and/or attitude. Yes, often we can be the only person that resolves conflict in some situations because we are either at the heart of the conflict or we are being totally unreasonable, rigid and unrelenting about our position within the conflict. Be realistic and remember there is no such thing as a one-handed clap. If there is conflict in your business or in your marriage – you are as much responsible for the conflict as anyone else.
4. Resolve to make conflict resolution a priority. We all know people who thrive on conflict – sad but true. In your marriage and your business, be determined to resolve conflict from the perspective of what is good for the business and what is good for your relationship- instead of being “right” at all costs. Do not make the mistake of winning the battle only to lose the war.
5. Compromise & Negotiate – Compromise and negotiation is based on understanding the other person’s position. Understanding does not mean you are in agreement; rather it means you understand that their position is based on where they are coming from. Compromise and negotiation is the most effective response to conflict in your business and your relationship because all parties gain something – leaving all parties feeling heard and empowered. Compromise and negotiation can only reached if the above 4 conflict resolution skills are artfully employed.
Conflict can be seen from a positive perspective because once conflict has been resolved- all parties feel secure with the knowledge that their relationships (in business and marriage) can survive challenges and disagreements. View conflict as an opportunity for growth through adversity.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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3 Key Factors to Create Success for your Business & Save your Marriage from Ruins
Posted by: | CommentsMany married entrepreneurs make the grave mistake of rushing into business decisions without careful deliberation and discussion as to how their entrepreneurial business will affect and involve their marriage – and their family. As an entrepreneur and a relationship expert, it is my firm belief that a broken relationship is way too high a price to pay for entrepreneurial success.
The individual goals we set for ourselves influence and impact those around us. If you are married, your decision to become an entrepreneur and/or business owner (of any kind) will have a direct impact on your marriage, your children and your family. Your business’ success and/or failure will shape the lives of those you love in many ways: i.e., financial, lifestyle, etc. Therefore it is imperative you include your spouse in your decision to begin – and/or expand your entrepreneurial work. This is one of the best ways to gain the emotional support of your partner when you begin your entrepreneurial journey. If you are already well into your entrepreneurial journey, you must include your spouse in your expansion dreams to insure you keep your marriage and family life strong.
The absolute best way to include your spouse or partner in your entrepreneurial decision(s) is to create a FAMILY PLAN for how your entrepreneurial life will impact your marriage and family before you begin your business. AND just as importantly – you must re-visit this initial family plan as your business grows and evolves. Just as you would (or should) PLAN for how a corporate job that might require long work hours and travel will impact your marriage, you should plan for how your marriage and family life will be impacted by your entrepreneurial business. Unfortunately, I have met so many successful entrepreneurs (especially female) who have lost their marriages while building their entrepreneurial business because they have failed to create this FAMILY PLAN.
Following are 3 key factors you must consider when creating a family plan.
1. Money - How much money will it cost to get your business off the ground? How much debt are you – and your spouse – willing to incur during the start-up phase of your business? How much capital is required for equipment, office space, employees etc? How does your spouse feel about all these expenses?
2. Time Consideration - What are the realistic work hours required of you when you start your business? How does your spouse feel about you having to potentially work in the evenings, on weekends and during holidays? Who will pick up the slack around the house involving household chores, cooking, cleaning, etc if you have to work long hours and on the weekends? Will your business require you to travel? Will you have the time to take family vacations?
3. Spousal Involvement in the Business – Will your spouse be involved in the day to day operations of your business? To what extent, if any, will your spouse be involved in the decision-making aspects of your business? Does your entrepreneurial business support the long and short-term goals you share as a couple?
These 3 key areas of concern are by no means considered to be an exhaustive one of all the factors you must consider when creating a family plan. My goal is that the information provided today will help you understand how important it is to have not just a business plan – but a family plan as well – to help minimize the potential problems that an entrepreneurial business may present to a couple and/or a family.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Communication is KEY to your Success in Business and Life
Posted by: | CommentsAs a relationship expert who has worked with entrepreneurial women for decades, I know that entrepreneurial women yearn to create a business they feel passionate about – and one that makes money – while having a partner who supports them. Entrepreneurial women know true success is found within our relationships – not money. This week’s article discusses the final question of my 5 key questions: “Is your communication within your relationship open and honest? This is perhaps the most burning question of the series because the way we communicate with ourselves and with others ultimately determines the overall quality of our life – and the success or lack thereof – of everything we do!
If you want to gain your partner’s emotional support for your business, you must use effective communication skills. Below are the 3 most important effective communication skills necessary for creating a life you love, a business that makes money and a spouse who supports you.
1. Verbal Communication. Many people fall into the trap of assuming their partner knows and understands the goals they have for their entrepreneurial business. They fail to communicate to their spouse the positive way their business will impact the quality of their life together, from a financial, social and emotional perspective. Assuming and NOT communicating is practically guaranteed to backfire on you. We cannot ever assume our partner (or anyone for that matter) knows anything. Period. We must effectively communicate with our partner – with words – things we want them to know. However, it is not just an exchange of words that defines effective communication. Effective communication is a two-way street between partners; it requires an exchange of feelings, thoughts and beliefs between you and your partner.
Another important aspect of verbal communication is the choice of words we use to get our message across. The more emotionally loaded a topic of conversation is – the more imperative it is to choose your words carefully and sensitively. Just because you are in an intimate relationship with someone doesn’t mean you can throw diplomacy out the window – or just blurt out your thoughts and feelings with total disregard for your partner. Now is a good time to remember my strong belief that you can say just about anything to anybody – IF you know how to say it – by choosing to have your conversation at the appropriate time using carefully sensitive words.
2. Non-Verbal Communication. Approximately 80% of all communication takes place non-verbally. The most important type of non-verbal communication is body language. For effective communication to take place – it is important your body language – and all other forms of non-verbal communication – is consistent with your verbal communication. If there is a discrepancy between your verbal and non-verbal communication, your partner will be confused. Confusion leads to misunderstandings and misunderstandings lead to fights. Consistency in your non-verbal communication is assured if you say what you mean and mean what you say – because you have nothing to hide.
3. Active Listening - notice I wrote the word “active” to describe the listening process. So what exactly is active listening? Active listening is the ability to listen without a hidden agenda. The way you do this is to listen with an open heart, an open mind and an open soul. Let’s be honest. Most people listen with a hidden agenda which usually takes place in one of two ways. The first way occurs when people listen with the intention of trying to “catch” the speaker providing false information so we can prove them wrong (and ourselves right). I often refer to this type of listening as the: “Ah ha, I got you…” way of listening. The second way most people listen is by silently standing by, and although they are not speaking, and appear to be listening, they are actually just waiting for the speaker to finish speaking so they can finally talk and say what they want to say. When we listen either one of these two ways – we are not really listening to what the other person is saying at all; rather we are listening with our own agenda.
The above 3 methods will provide you with the necessary tools you need for having the communication in your relationship be open and honest – providing you with the effective communication skills you need for creating a business that makes money with a spouse who supports you.
This article concludes my series where I answered the “5 Key Questions Entrepreneurial Women Must ASK to get what you want from your business and your Intimate Relationship”. I am confident you now have the necessary relationship tools you need to get what you want!!
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
This week’s ezine is going to address question #4 of the five key questions you must first ask yourself that will help you predict the compatibility between entrepreneurship and your marriage: Is your partner cognizant of the sacrifices you may have to endure to make your business succeed, especially when your entrepreneurial business is in the start up phase? These sacrifices include the time, resources and energy any start up business requires before it makes even one dollar of profit.
Entrepreneurial businesses do not create wealth or even one dime of profit instantly. As is true for most things in life, success in business requires countless hours of time, energy and dedication long before the business becomes profitable. Just as a strong house is built upon a solid foundation, a strong business is built upon a solid infrastructure that requires hours of tireless work that lays the cornerstone for a successful business. Much of this initial sweat equity does not result in immediate profit. This foundation however, is critical for the future success of your business, one that creates a leveraged, sustainable operation.
So how does your relationship survive the hard work required during the initial, and expansion phase of your entrepreneurial endeavor?
It is imperative you communicate to your partner not only the amount of time it requires to build this solid foundation for your business but that you also communicate the need to finance this foundation before your business begins to make money. As anyone in business knows, it takes money to make money – entrepreneurial endeavors are no different. Most relationships run into considerable difficulty when one spouse is in the start-up phase of their entrepreneurial business because a lack of clear, effective communication discussing the amount of commitment and sacrifice needed to create a successful entrepreneurial business has never been discussed. How can you expect your spouse to support a business when all they see are your time, energy and devotion being poured into it – and it only appears to be creating debt – from their perspective. If nothing has ever been explained to them about what your entrepreneurial business will require of you, especially in the start-up phase, how can you expect their support for it?
Think about the frustration you sometimes feel as your business drains you of time and energy and money – even though you are committed to it and believe in it. Can you imagine what your spouse feels if you have not communicated the hard work required to build the business – leaving them in the dark?
Communicate to your partner what is required to make your business successful in terms of time, energy, dedication and money. This is the only way to insure your partner will get on board with you for the entrepreneurial ride that surely awaits you. Communication is the foundation you need in your marriage so you do not have to sacrifice your marriage for entrepreneurial success.
Entrepreneurship requires enough sacrifices – do not make your marriage/relationship one of them.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
Can your Marriage Survive what it takes to be an Entrepreneur?
Posted by: | CommentsThe one constant you can count on when you are an entrepreneur is change. This week’s ezine is going to help you answer question #3 of the 5 questions every entrepreneur must ask themselves if their relationship is to survive their entrepreneurial business: “Are your financial, emotional and spiritual wants and needs similar enough to withstand the unpredictability entrepreneurship will bring into your lives?” Being an entrepreneur is not just about being your own boss – it represents who you are as an individual. Entrepreneurs are risk-takers who desire to create their own path in life rather than follow the path someone else has paved. Sure, entrepreneurship represents a business path; however, your entrepreneurial success and/or struggles impact not only your business but your entire life – and your marriage. Unlike a traditional job where you work for someone else, an entrepreneur cannot always separate their business from their other relationships – especially their marriage. Why? Because entrepreneurs take their business “personally” because their work is something they have created and own.
Given the unpredictability of being an entrepreneur, the one thing that is constant is change. This constant change will have a very strong impact on your financial, emotional and spiritual life – and that of your spouse. Your financial situation might take a roller coaster ride – with a lot of money coming in at times and no money coming in at other times – and many times you will be unable to predict this financial feast and/or famine. You might need to take on some debt for awhile before your business ever turns a profit. Are you comfortable with this financial arrangement? And just as importantly, is your spouse comfortable with this arrangement? You need to look at and discuss the financial ramifications of entrepreneurship with your spouse to make sure you can endure potential financial uncertainty together. Do NOT assume your spouse knows about this financial roller coaster ride. The one thing most people do not like is financial surprises.
Speak to any successful entrepreneur and they will tell you entrepreneurship requires more sweat equity than they initially thought it would. Many spouses of entrepreneurs will tell you they sometimes feel their spouses’ business is a mistress – because of all the long hours and emotional commitment the business requires of their spouse – leaving little or no time and/or emotional energy for their relationship. Are you prepared for the long hours and emotional commitment it takes to make your business successful? Have you communicated to your spouse the amount of time, emotional energy and commitment your business will require to be successful? Is your spouse on board with this? Can your marriage withstand the long work hours and emotional commitment many businesses require – at least in the start-up phase (and often beyond)?
Are you a spiritual person? Is your spouse a spiritual person? Will your spiritual practices be impacted by your entrepreneurial work? Are you willing to close up shop during religious holidays if that is important to you – knowing as an entrepreneur you do not get paid for personal days, vacation days, religious observances, etc. It is imperative you and your spouse understand your spiritual beliefs and needs, and discuss how your entrepreneurial lifestyle will impact this aspect of your lives and relationship.
There are no correct answers to the questions posed above. The answer to these questions is different for each marriage. The answers will give you a pretty good indicator as to whether your marriage will be able to survive whatever challenges your entrepreneurial lifestyle will present to you in the future.
Remember, change is the one constant for entrepreneurs. Answering the above questions with your spouse will help you predict if your relationship can stay solid and strong during these times of change.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Mompreneurs, can you use more choice & freedom in your life?
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We’re unveiling the 1st ever Money and Freedom for Mompreneurs Telesummit, a gathering of women who are creating a NEW MODEL of leadership – one that you may not even know about.
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Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
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Your Mindset is the Key to Creating a Thriving Business and True Partnership!
Posted by: | CommentsIn early April this ezine published an article titled: “5 key questions every entrepreneurial woman must ask to get what you want from your business and your intimate relationship.” Question #1: “Are you and your partner in a true partnership?” was discussed two weeks ago. Today’s ezine discusses question #2 which asks if you (and your partner) have the mindset you need to create a thriving business and true partnership – without having to sacrifice one for the other.
Entrepreneurship is not for everyone – and it is certainly not for every marriage. Before diving headlong into an entrepreneurial endeavor, it is imperative you explore the following question: “Do you have the mindset you need to create a successful, moneymaking business and true partnership – all at the same time?” Does your mindset sabotage your entrepreneurial success and happiness in your marriage?
So what exactly does the term “mindset” mean and why Must you have the right mindset to make money in your business while having a happy marriage?
We have learned from Daniel Goleman’s book: “Emotional Intelligence” what separates people who are successful and happy from those who are not – and it is one’s mindset. All successful happy people do not necessarily have a high IQ. The fact that some people are “intellectually gifted”, “musically talented”, “naturally athletic”, etc. does not guarantee their success or happiness in business and/or life. The secret to success in your business and happiness in your relationship is found in your mindset. Why? Because it is your mindset which determines your ability to build lasting and emotionally satisfying relationships. It is your relationships skills that are necessary to make money in business and create happiness in your relationships. To be more specific, it is a positive mindset that entrepreneurs MUST HAVE to create wealth and entrepreneurial success while having an intimate happy relationship.
Your positive mindset must be created in 3 specific areas of your life for you to create a business that makes money and a marriage that you love. You must create a positive mindset for yourself as an entrepreneur – confident and determined of your success. You must create a positive mindset that your relationship will support your entrepreneurial efforts by effectively communicating with your spouse your desire for their support and understanding of your entrepreneurial dreams. Finally, you must possess a positive mindset for the way you and your spouse relate to each other within your marriage – growing and evolving as an individual- while staying connected as a couple as your business unfolds.
Creating a positive mindset holds a critical key for your success as an entrepreneur without having to sacrifice your marriage.
The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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